I’ve always been the fat friend…in high school, my best friends were half my size. I was in the color guard where we were expected to wear spandex and sparkles, and I was the big girl who felt like everyone was staring at her wondering what on earth she was doing wearing THAT!
For me, there was a feeling of isolation that came with being the fat friend. It’s not my friends who isolated me, they’ve always loved me at every stage, but there are just some things that come with being overweight that are what they are. Shopping wasn’t as fun because I couldn’t shop at the same stores—remember the store 5-7-9? Yeah. Not so much. Wet Seal? Nope. I remember shopping for bridesmaid dresses for both of my closest friends and not being able to try on anything. I remember one shopping trip telling my friend, “Pick whatever you want, and I’ll be happy to wear it.” All the other bridesmaids, the mother of the bride, the future mother-in-law gushed about what a supportive friend I was. The truth was, what was I going to tell her? I wasn’t going to feel good in anything she chose; I may as well be supportive! The TRUTH was…my size was always something they would have to special order, IF the dress even came in my size! (don’t forget the up charge for the plus size!)
Something happened on vacation last week that was such a fun, normal thing, but was so significant for me, I have to share it. It lasted about 5 minutes, but made me feel like one of the girls…a feeling that I didn’t have very often in my teenage years. My bestie and I were spending some time together and decided to swap clothes! I was giving her clothes from my suitcase to try on, and I was trying on her pants! It was such a silly thing, but for me, it meant everything…it was something I’ve never been able to share with her and it filled my heart right up.
Like I’ve said many times before, the mental work of weight loss has been a struggle for me, and I didn’t realize the significance of that moment until after it was over. Little things come up every day that hit me like that and I want to celebrate every single one. If I remember to celebrate all the little gains, the little “after shocks” of my weight loss, I am lifting myself up, giving myself the fuel to keep on keepin’ on!
My Girls (April 2016)